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The 1998 Ramblings Awards
THE 1998 RAMBLINGS AWARDS
1st Annual
Hanni favorites from the first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Written and posted by Natalie (PrincssNat)
6/4/98
NATALIE
Oz! Nick! Are you two going to help me here or are you going to leave me here to do this alone! Our audience is waiting!
OZ
Coming, sweetheart!
NATALIE
Isn't he sweet?
NICK
You realize you're ripping me off here, right?
NATALIE
Yeah, and I'm ripping off of Karyn here, too. Deal with it.
NICK
It's late. I've had finals, and what time do you have to be at graduation rehearsal?
NATALIE
I'll deal with that, thank you. Who has the results?
OZ
Got them right here. Here.
NATALIE
We ready?
NICK
Sure. Does it have anything to do with Willow?
OZ
Yeah, does it?
NATALIE
Um, hello?
OZ
Oh, right. Sorry.
NATALIE
Okay, we're on! Welcome to the first annual Ramblings Awards! Hi, I'm Natalie and we are broadcasting live from Sunnydale Park in a suburb of Chicago, on the corner of Sunnydale and Harvest.
NICK
That was my idea, by the way.
NATALIE
That's nice. The music playing in the background is Dingoes Ate My Baby, and they are playing without a guitarist today, I guess. We have here my co-hosts, my brother Nick HaHa and Oz, who has no last name to date.
NICK
Howdy.
NATALIE
Anyway, thank you to all who have voted. Let's get started. Our first award goes for best quote.
OZ
And the award goes to... Angel's speech from Passion. Which is way too long for me to read, so you'll just have to deal with it.
NATALIE
That's fine. I didn't want to waste time with it anyway.
NICK
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
NATALIE
Did he fall asleep?
OZ
Didn't he have a history final? We all know how he's been helping Willow tutor Buffy online.
NATALIE
True. Tough job. Someone get him some chocolate to wake him up. Mom!
MOM
What?
NATALIE
Nick needs chocolate!
MOM
Get it yourself!
NATALIE
Oz, can you handle this?
OZ
Sure. I'm good for it.
Natalie leaves.
OZ
Oh, this is me. Okay, our next award goes for Best Dresser, and the winner is Buffy Summers. But she ran away from home, so there's really no way for us to get in touch with her to give this to her... So I guess I accept on her behalf.
NICK
(still asleep)
Don't warn the tadpoles...
OZ
I guess that means I should get the next one, too. Character you most wish would kick off. Morbid category. What's that say?
NATALIE
I'm back!
OZ
Stupid little troll?
NATALIE
Oh, Principal Snyder. Personally, I wanted Harmony to win. Read the note on that.
OZ
Okay... According to NiceFishie, "I'd tape it and then replay it a bunch of times." And I like this one. Stacy wants to see him die a painful and agonizing death. I think I'd like to see that, too!
NATALIE
I say so and I don't even know him!
OZ
Where is Snyder?
NATALIE
I could care less. Next award is for the moment when you started bawling like a baby. And this moment is... Buffy sends Angel to hell.
OZ
I voted for that. Where's Joss? He should accept this one.
NATALIE
Gr! Another no-show! Okay, we're gonna have to bring this to California with us when we go.
NICK
Okay, I'm up. What'd I miss?
OZ
A couple of awards.
NICK
Let me present one.
NATALIE
Go ahead. Read the prompter.
NICK
My category is the moment you most wanted to throw something at the TV. And the nominees are...
NATALIE
We don't have any nominees.
NICK
You had to ruin it, didn't you? Anyway, the winner is when Angel said all those horrible things to Buffy after they, uh... You know what I'm talking about.
NATALIE
Yeah, we get it. Nice job.
NICK
Thanks. What's next?
OZ
Best storyline. And it goes to... When Angel goes bad.
NATALIE
But Joss isn't here. I'm gonna have to have a long talk with him.
NICK
What's next?
NATALIE
Ooh, I wanna do this one!
OZ
Hey, they're your awards.
NATALIE
If not the wheelchair, what should Spike have been beaten with? The winner is... Principal Snyder! Of course, he had an elsewhere to be, which is not here. I wanna read off the other answers.
NICK
As if this isn't long enough as it is...
NATALIE
We've got a part of the wheelchair, the bust of Principal Flutie, Drusilla, another vampire, a crowbar or baseball bat, Miss Edith, TED, a studded mace, any large heavy object, Mr. Pointy, a lamp, a steel pipe, brass knuckles, Drusilla's high heeled shoe, a fire axe, CGood7552's college lit book and a fireplace poker.
OZ
Those have got to hurt.
NICK
What did Spike beat Angel with?
OZ
Why are you looking at me? I wasn't in that scene. Next.
NICK
What's next? Oh, most painful injury. And the award goes to... When Xander broke his arm.
NATALIE
Eek!
OZ
Okay, where's Xander? He said he was gonna be here.
NICK
He's probably in a broom closet with Cordelia somewhere. We'll give it to him later. Let's just move on.
NATALIE
And now, the couple you most wish would break up so you could date one of them. Buffy and Angel won by a landslide.
NICK
But Buffy left town, and Angel's in hell, so who do we give the award to?
OZ
Well, Elizabeth says Jonathan went out with Cordy (once) so she'd go on a date with him. So I called Jonathan to get it.
NATALIE
Okay, cool. Here.
JONATHAN
You like me, you really like me! Everybody into the pool!
NICK, OZ & NATALIE
Um, no thanks.
OZ
Who did you vote for?
NATALIE
Um, you and Willow, of course.
OZ
Why are you looking at your shoes?
NATALIE
No reason. Continue.
OZ
Best song was an easy one. Full of Grace, by Sarah McLachlan.
NICK
And it beat out Sugar Water! Yes! Down with Cibo Matto!
NATALIE
Woo hoo! Ahem, next award. The award for the moment you wished you knew what Joss was doing goes to...
OZ
The end of Becoming! This includes Angel going to hell, Buffy leaving town, the expulsion, blah blah biddy blah. You wrote blah blah biddy blah?
NATALIE
Yeah! It would have won anyway, so I lumped them together.
OZ
Let's go on to the next one. Nick, you take it.
NICK
I hope the writers are reading this. For the category of how much more should we see of Whistler, the voters said A) A lot, with overwhelming enthusiasm. You know what that means, we wanna see more Brodie! I mean, Whistler.
NATALIE
And as for the question of should Kendra have died? The votes were an overwhelming NO, and more than half of those that answered yes said only to further the storyline. So there!
NICK
According to Missy56789, Kendra didn't get her stuffed animal yet.
NATALIE
I even got used to the accent.
OZ
I don't even know if I had a scene with her. Huh.
NATALIE
The end is near, people!
NICK
There is a God!
The audience lets out a loud cheer.
NICK
For the episode where you knew you were hooked on Buffy, the award goes to Welcome to the Hellmouth.
NATALIE
With Angel as a close second! Yay!
OZ
What's your obsession with that episode?
NATALIE
Don't make me sic Eva on you, too. She'd stick up for me.
Drumroll from the band.
OZ
What's that?
NICK
Oh, cool, we got a drumroll! Hey, can you guys do a rimshot?
DRUMMER
Make a bad joke first.
NICK
I might have to make a bad joke just for the halibut.
Rim shot.
NATALIE
That doesn't work off of the boards, Nick.
NICK
Sure it does.
OZ
Um, guys, we have a gig tonight. Can we...
NATALIE
Okay, best episode. And the award goes to...
Drumroll.
NATALIE
Becoming!
NICK
I voted for Phases.
OZ
That was a good episode.
NICK
Willow in overalls! But what'd you vote for?
OZ
Um, I kinda liked Inca Mummy Girl.
NATALIE
Ick!
OZ
That's when I first saw Willow.
NATALIE
What is up with this!
WILLOW
Hi, all!
NICK
Willow's here!
NATALIE
Hey. What are you doing here?
WILLOW
Joss is working on different ways to torture the viewers, so he asked me to come by and accept all the awards. Hi, Oz.
OZ
Hi, Willow.
NATALIE
Gr. Something tells me we have to have a long talk about this. All right. Well, I guess this is it. Night, all!
NICK
So, what's next? And why did you give me this line so many times? Writers... Have a night, one and all!
OZ
Bye!
WILLOW
Bye, everyone!
OZ
Now what?
NATALIE
Why don't we head to that club? Tyler Christopher's signing autographs there.
WILLOW
I'm in!
OZ & NICK
Who?
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